Raising Independent Catholic Kids in an Age of Conformity

by Randy Hain | December 5, 2013 12:01 am

Catholic Teen Volunteers

Catholic Teen Volunteers

Sexting, drugs, alcohol, cyber-bullying, teen suicide, rampant materialism, technology addiction, and me-first mindsets – the list of challenges to young people today can seem overwhelming.  As parents of two boys, ages 12 and 16, I feel like my wife and I are on the front lines of a never-ending war for the very souls of our children.  I would love to tell you that we have the upper hand in this ongoing struggle, but some days I am not so sure.

In order to give you some context for this blog post, I would like to share a little about our interesting family dynamic.  My older son has high-functioning autism and attends a great private school that promotes a balance of strong academics and strict rules in order to prepare the children for college and life in the real world.  Because of his autism and the associated social quirkiness that brings, he has a very difficult time making friends and spends a lot of time listening to music, reading and hanging out with our family.  In many ways, he is somewhat protected from the cultural storm around him.  Our challenge is to help him tap into his God-given gifts and learn to be independent in a world that often feels alien and hostile to him.

Our younger son left the friendly confines of an excellent and safe elementary school environment near our home two years ago to enter a private Catholic middle school next to our parish. He loves lacrosse, Boy Scouts, reading, NCAA Football and hanging out with the family.  He is friendly and likable, but a little shy.  We are grateful that he has a few good friends, but is not overly interested in hanging out with the popular groups of kids at school.  This may be, in part, because of the influence (and frequent social isolation) of his older brother.  Both of our boys are interested in and truly enjoy our Catholic faith.

My wife and I often feel worn out from the daily challenges of protecting the boys from the worst excesses of the surrounding culture while also teaching the boys how to live in the real world with their faith and values intact.  Granted, we know full well our vocation is to get ourselves and our children to Heaven and there is no greater calling, but we honestly feel like we are swimming against the current much of the time.  Prayer is always a source of comfort. We pray daily for Jesus to help us with our challenges and to watch over our sons.  I am not sure how we would make it through a single week as parents without our Catholic faith.

Lessons Learned

We don’t have all the answers, but we do have a lot of lessons!  Here is what we have learned in our parenting journey so far about raising independent and faith-filled children:

All of these lessons have had varying degrees of success and we are constantly experimenting.  The ongoing mainstays are devotion to Christ and His Church, prayer and family time.  As worn out as we may get about being vigilant, we know that turning over our parenting responsibilities to others is not an option.  We only have so many years to be a positive influence and we can’t waste the gift these children are in our lives.

Why did I write this post?  I recently took some time to observe dozens of other children in approximately our sons’ age range in a variety of locations and situations in our area.  I also stay current about what is happening to young people in general.  All I have observed and read is troubling and has prompted a lot of reflection and prayer.  I know that nobody on this earth will ever love and care about our children as much as my wife and I do.  We have a responsibility to raise them to be well-formed, Catholic adults with strong values.  If we neglect this responsibility, others who mean them harm will likely fill the void.


Randy Hain, Senior Editor and co-founder of The Integrated Catholic Life™, is the author of The Catholic Briefcase: Tools for Integrating Faith and Work which was released by Liguori Publications.  The Catholic Briefcase was voted the Best Catholic Book of 2011 in the About.com Catholicism Reader’s Choice Awards.

Randy Hain’s exciting new book, Along the Way: Lessons for an Authentic Journey of Faith was  released by Liguori Publications in November, 2012.   Along the Way was voted Runner-Up in the About.com Catholicism Reader’s Choice Awards for Best Catholic Book of 2012.  His third book, Something More: A Professional’s Pursuit of a Meaningful Life, was released in February, 2013.  All of Randy Hain’s books can also be purchased at your local Catholic bookstore, Amazon or www.liguori.org.

Looking for a Catholic Speaker?  Check out Randy’s speaker’s page and the rest of the ICL Speaker’s Bureau.


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