How We Measure Success

My father came to our house for a visit a few weekends ago, which he typically does two or three times a year.  He loves to see his grandsons and we talk to him every week by phone, but it is sometimes difficult for him to travel from his Florida home to Atlanta.  I have occasionally written about my dad over the years and the wise counsel and good example I have always received from him.  This particular weekend visit was different because of a powerful lesson he helped me teach my 11 year old son.

On the Saturday afternoon of my dad’s visit, my younger son and I were throwing the baseball outside while my father was taking a short nap in his room.  I can always tell when one of my boys has something on his mind so I probed and asked him if everything was alright.  He responded with, “Dad, remember when we talked about what it means to be successful a few weeks ago?  Is Papa successful?”

Wow!  That was an interesting question and a mature one from my youngest child.  He was referring to a conversation we had a few months ago about being successful in business and what kind of career he wanted to have after college.  I gave him a thoroughly modern version of what I thought success looked like in business and made sure we talked about having strong faith and the importance of starting and caring for a family some day as well.  I kept it at a high level for him at that time, but his question about my father deserved a deeper answer.

I explained that my father came from a different generation.  He was in the army for six years after high school and then he completed two years of college before going to work full time.  He met and married my mother who also worked for his company in 1965 and I came along in 1966.  We didn’t have a lot of extras when I was growing up, but we had what we needed.  Both my parents worked when I was growing up, but we always had dinner together and my father frequently coached my sports teams.  They were both active volunteers at church.  Even though my parents did not finish college, they both instilled in me a passion for learning when I was young and there was no question in their minds that I would be continuing my education after high school.  The same was true for my younger sister.

Our father and mother taught us about faith and the value of hard work.  We knew how to be self-sufficient at a young age.  As I shared in last week’s blog, strong values and great life-lessons were instilled in us from my earliest childhood memories.   So, is my father successful?  By modern standards, a quick glance at his meager savings and lack of material possessions would merit a resounding “no.”  But, in the areas that mattered most to him and also to my mother while she was alive, they were incredibly blessed all their lives with everything they could ever desire.

You see, my parents never tried to keep up with the Joneses.  Acquiring toys and wealth never mattered.  They were focused on raising faith-filled children, helping us as much as possible with furthering our education and teaching us how to be responsible.  My father always wants to talk about the kid’s school and athletic achievements when I call him or find out how my book is selling.  He rarely talks about himself and certainly never complains.

He comes from a generation that has much to teach us today.  We can deceive ourselves all we want that today’s world holds us to a different standard, but as I get older I recognize that we also have the ability to choose the lives we want to lead.  The more I detach myself from modern society’s view of success, the happier and more fulfilled I feel.  This detachment allows me to put the appropriate focus on serving Christ and His Church, raising my children, loving my wife and giving back to others instead of accumulating toys that become false idols.  I learned these invaluable lessons from my parents, especially my father.

So, back to that question from my youngest child:  Is Papa successful?  “You know, I think my father is the most successful man I know.  I hope I am half the man he is when I am his age.”

“Thanks Dad.  I think you and Mom are doing a pretty good job.”


Randy Hain, Senior Editor for The Integrated Catholic Life™, is the author of The Catholic Briefcase: Tools for Integrating Faith and Work which was recently released by Liguori Publications. The Catholic Briefcase is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble online and your local Catholic bookstore. 

The Catholic Briefcase was recently voted the Best Catholic Book of 2011 in the About.com Catholicism Reader’s Choice Awards.


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3 Comments

  1. Randy – Thank you for sharing this great perspective on life and fatherhood. I plan to call my Dad this morning and keep this in mind as opportunities arise to discuss (and demonstrate) success with my kiddos. We have passed on a lot of the ‘spoils of suburbia’ in favor of simple pleasures of playing together, reading together, and just spending time together. It has added so much richness to life. Next job…coaching! Perhaps it’s “keeping up with the Hains”? 🙂 Have a great day, Travis

  2. Randy, thank you for sharing this terrific post! My dad has also done a great job modeling “success” in the sense that faithfulness and service to others always comes first. As fathers, we have our work cut out for us – but what a blessing to have good men in our own lives as role models!

  3. Travis and Kevin,

    As two guys who inspire me and totally “get it” I am grateful for your kind words! I think I will will rent “It’s a Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart this weekend for a great family movie to reinforce this valuable lesson about what is important in life.

    Thanks and God bless,

    Randy

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